Hi Y'all,
Ever feel that? On waking? You don't seem to know where you are and struggle to remember. Mostly it's just a dream or nightmare clearing before you know for sure that you are where you should be. In your bed, Slept all night.
But there are times, aren't there, when we try to destroy our brains with some substance and truly do wake up having no idea where you are or why, and who is that I'm lying next to? You ever had that experience? Many do and it's like, first one awake gets to run. Grab your clothes and run before you put them on. Dress as you run, and get the fuck away. You don't ever get to know who was there and why and how. Nor do you have any idea how you got there, wherever it is.
Well I certainly have, many times. Often it's just been waking lying on the grass outside a house you know. Passed out after throwing up badly or something like that.
The good thing about running is that neither of you has to face whoever it was ever again so neither of you are damaged.
Well, there was one night I recall. We'd all gathered and gone out to the old cattle grounds, plenty of space and lots of places to sit and lie down if you had too much to drink. That night started out slow and quiet but became louder and faster as we kept drinking. I found myself talking to a girl I never knew but was at school with, knew her at a distance and she knew who I was too.
She was one of THOSE types. You know, I moved away so I'm better than you all. I'm an artist!!
Sorry dear but I too have been and gone and just came back for a visit. Yes, you are an artist, bullshit type of course. I've seen your website, well after this night I connected with her on Facebook and we started chatting and then I told her to fuck off, she was too pompous and condescending when she had nothing to condescend about. She's avoided me like the plague since. Can't go round telling people what you really think can you?
Anyway she moved on that night and so did I. Got so drunk I had no idea what was going on really. Everyone was pairing up and lying down. I didn't see a lot of point as I was too drunk to actually do anything. But somehow I was sitting next to this girl and I went to lie down as I'd pass out else. She said "Ahh, no, I don't do that. And you're very drunk".
"Very drunk? Moi? That's the whole fucking point dear. And do what, I'm just lying down and passing out. What about you?" She was scared and hid. Oh well, I crashed and awoke in a cloud of dust. My mate was driving his Vanguard fast around and past all the couples and people asleep on the ground. He pulled up next to me and said "Here. Breakfast" He shoved a stubby at me and hell it was good.
So the morning passed in a drunken haze really and eventually we ended up back at the town pool, didn't we always?
I was in the pool, just paddling around, weary and feeling good, cool water does the trick.
So someone taps me on the shoulder and I turn around to see this female. Not someone I'd pick for any activity, sorry, gotta be honest. And shit. She said "We can do it tonight if you're not drunk". I breathed a sigh of relief. I was always drunk and would make sure I stayed that way.
WHAT? Where did that come from? I didn't think I'd ever seen her before. And if I did I would have looked away, and fast.
Fast think, man of action, me. Full of ways to fix problems and so what did I do? I just went underwater and swam as fast as I could to get out of the pool and run away. No fucking way, man was my thought.
Of course, yes I should have handled that better. Anything else really would have been better, right. But no, underwater and run away. Went to ground for a couple of days and told no one. She'd move on, tourist I knew.
Yeah, I fucked that right up. But I must think females I'd talked to and sat with etc must have thought the same as me so I justified this as being OK. It wasn't was it. Shit she was terrible, and offering? I get the shakes thinking about it all these years later. What if she had cracked the night before and she'd got pregnant? The horrors come flying back. eep it to yourself in future I swore to myself. And I did. Never casual relationships, ever. The new wave of diseases made that easy to do really. But I'd nearly gone there and both she and I would have paid for it, for life.