Hi there, a little education for you if you absorb and practice it.
Can you read people? You certainly can if you concentrate and listen to what they say and watch what they do, at the same time as you are talking to them. The fictional character Sherlock Holmes used this tecnique to reveal things most people did not observe. Of course Sherlock's books took it to extreme levels and made him seem like he had super powers. That was an over the top version, mainly for entertainment and to befuddle Dr Watson.
Example 1.
Recently I had a need to have my gall bladder removed. I was told this guy was the best around. Yet by his first words I knew he was no good for me. How?
Well, his very first words, no introduction, were "I have a very low error rate". That is a question most patients will ask at the end of seeing their surgeon etc. But he put it front and centre.
What did that tell me? One, he admitted he made mistakes. To me not a good start at all. I don't care if it's low, I want it to be nil or tell me nothing. Follow?
Second he had told me he was more obsessed about his record than me, the patient. Bye now dummy. I moved on. You see how easy it can be, if you listen. Others may hear that and think "Wow, low error rate, I'm impressed". No, he is or was obsessed with it which, to me, would make him a nervous man with a scalpel. Not for me.
OK. Second. Anyone who starts talking to you by saying "Trust me" is revealing they are NOT to be trusted. Clear as a bell really. Their most important issue is that you trust them. Fat chance.
Third, if you are getting directions from someone and they end their advice with "You can't miss it" then you surely will. They are lying.
I had a girl, lady these days I used to be a pair with many moons ago. One day a year or so ago I found her on the internet, by accident really. We had been "in love" at 14 and 15 and had never broken up. My family left town and of course I had to go too. Misery.
I have a de facto wife now of 22 years. We all knew each other at school actually. I really wanted to know what her life had been like. I had heard she had a husband who died from some brain problem about 20 years ago.
So I thought, well, why not, I ain't looking for love, I have that now. I'd just like to know what had happened to her in her life. Seemed normal to me. I asked her specifically at the beginning if she could keep my email confidential until we have decided if we would stay in touch.
I know what confidential means, don't you? Apparently she didn't as she told about 15 people I'd been in touch. She was very excited as she had been so lonely since her husband passed away. She's been depressed and drinks a lot since then. 20 years and going nowhere.
But her first reply to me started "Not that I'm a gossip but I told... all those people. Which was exactly what I didn't want her to do and had asked her not to do. So she did it and then claimed she wasn't a gossip.
My response? "I beg to differ, you are clearly a gossip". Yes, it deteriorated and we lost touch. No biggie as I don't need another drunk depressed friend. I was one for so long but I moved up.
The only reason I wanted confidentiality first up is gossip in that town takes about 5 minutes to go the grapevine right around all those living there and elsewhere. I did not want my partner finding out I was in touch with a very long ago girlfriend from someone else. So I told her right away and she said "That's fine, she was actually one of my friends too after you left town."
SO, me anticipating the usual mess had been right but it mattered not to my partner. But I never found out anything about that girl and never will. She's really angry at me for calling what I read, felt and heard. Oh well, some people can't face the truth, particularly about themselves. She told me everything about her current situation in one sentence next email and it mattered no longer. She was too far gone.
See what I'm saying. You listen and hear and understand what's being said and you usually know why as well. Like I asked her next email "So how are you today and what do you do?' Her reply was :
"MY LONELINESS dominates" Yes, she used the caps and that told me all really. Especially when she put at second thing "Oh and my Mum who has the start of dementia and I spend all my time looking after her." Bullshit. I rang her Mum a long time later and the girl had gone overseas for a month with a friend, female, and left Mum by herself. Her Mum was quite well. Used a book to write everything in and coped quite easily. So I suspect Mum was still looking after this girl.
I mean, really, who puts "MY LONELINESS in caps before the issue of her Mum except a self absorbed misery?
PRACTICE listening and interpreting but don't assume you are always right. Takes time to become good at it.
Like boys trying to get a girl. Easily the best way is to talk to her and make her laugh. If she laughs at what you meant to be funny you are a big chance. If she has a blank look on her face, rung for your life.
Over to you.
Can you read people? You certainly can if you concentrate and listen to what they say and watch what they do, at the same time as you are talking to them. The fictional character Sherlock Holmes used this tecnique to reveal things most people did not observe. Of course Sherlock's books took it to extreme levels and made him seem like he had super powers. That was an over the top version, mainly for entertainment and to befuddle Dr Watson.
Example 1.
Recently I had a need to have my gall bladder removed. I was told this guy was the best around. Yet by his first words I knew he was no good for me. How?
Well, his very first words, no introduction, were "I have a very low error rate". That is a question most patients will ask at the end of seeing their surgeon etc. But he put it front and centre.
What did that tell me? One, he admitted he made mistakes. To me not a good start at all. I don't care if it's low, I want it to be nil or tell me nothing. Follow?
Second he had told me he was more obsessed about his record than me, the patient. Bye now dummy. I moved on. You see how easy it can be, if you listen. Others may hear that and think "Wow, low error rate, I'm impressed". No, he is or was obsessed with it which, to me, would make him a nervous man with a scalpel. Not for me.
OK. Second. Anyone who starts talking to you by saying "Trust me" is revealing they are NOT to be trusted. Clear as a bell really. Their most important issue is that you trust them. Fat chance.
Third, if you are getting directions from someone and they end their advice with "You can't miss it" then you surely will. They are lying.
I had a girl, lady these days I used to be a pair with many moons ago. One day a year or so ago I found her on the internet, by accident really. We had been "in love" at 14 and 15 and had never broken up. My family left town and of course I had to go too. Misery.
I have a de facto wife now of 22 years. We all knew each other at school actually. I really wanted to know what her life had been like. I had heard she had a husband who died from some brain problem about 20 years ago.
So I thought, well, why not, I ain't looking for love, I have that now. I'd just like to know what had happened to her in her life. Seemed normal to me. I asked her specifically at the beginning if she could keep my email confidential until we have decided if we would stay in touch.
I know what confidential means, don't you? Apparently she didn't as she told about 15 people I'd been in touch. She was very excited as she had been so lonely since her husband passed away. She's been depressed and drinks a lot since then. 20 years and going nowhere.
But her first reply to me started "Not that I'm a gossip but I told... all those people. Which was exactly what I didn't want her to do and had asked her not to do. So she did it and then claimed she wasn't a gossip.
My response? "I beg to differ, you are clearly a gossip". Yes, it deteriorated and we lost touch. No biggie as I don't need another drunk depressed friend. I was one for so long but I moved up.
The only reason I wanted confidentiality first up is gossip in that town takes about 5 minutes to go the grapevine right around all those living there and elsewhere. I did not want my partner finding out I was in touch with a very long ago girlfriend from someone else. So I told her right away and she said "That's fine, she was actually one of my friends too after you left town."
SO, me anticipating the usual mess had been right but it mattered not to my partner. But I never found out anything about that girl and never will. She's really angry at me for calling what I read, felt and heard. Oh well, some people can't face the truth, particularly about themselves. She told me everything about her current situation in one sentence next email and it mattered no longer. She was too far gone.
See what I'm saying. You listen and hear and understand what's being said and you usually know why as well. Like I asked her next email "So how are you today and what do you do?' Her reply was :
"MY LONELINESS dominates" Yes, she used the caps and that told me all really. Especially when she put at second thing "Oh and my Mum who has the start of dementia and I spend all my time looking after her." Bullshit. I rang her Mum a long time later and the girl had gone overseas for a month with a friend, female, and left Mum by herself. Her Mum was quite well. Used a book to write everything in and coped quite easily. So I suspect Mum was still looking after this girl.
I mean, really, who puts "MY LONELINESS in caps before the issue of her Mum except a self absorbed misery?
PRACTICE listening and interpreting but don't assume you are always right. Takes time to become good at it.
Like boys trying to get a girl. Easily the best way is to talk to her and make her laugh. If she laughs at what you meant to be funny you are a big chance. If she has a blank look on her face, rung for your life.
Over to you.
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